Too Sane For Fame
A Comedian’s Dilemma Part 2
–By Jan McInnis, Comedian and Keynote Speaker
But alas, it turns out you have to have a lot more junk than a few dolls to qualify, and it has to be weird junk. My family still thinks I’m a hoarder because of the dolls, but apparently I’m stuck somewhere between hoarding, collecting, and just plain I-can’t-throw-this-away-yet. Maybe if I had just kept Barbie heads, then I’d be famous, because your collection must be eerie, creepy, disgusting and massive (like used diapers and expired mayonnaise or maybe used diapers stuffed into mayonnaise jars) to qualify. Not to mention that your house needs to be filled to the rafters to make it to hoarding fame—I’ve failed at the one thing I am kind of good at.
Never fear though! I travel a lot, so maybe I’m better suited for fame on a deserted island surrounded by pseudo-friends whom I stab in the back while they sleep. There are more of those Survivor – type shows than hoarder shows, and perhaps they are a better match. . . especially the show that involves self-proclaimed “rednecks” living on an island and competing for beer. I don’t consider myself “redneck” but
I do like beer. However, after watching just a couple of episodes, I realize that my idea of roughing it is being in a hotel without a soda machine and a gym. I cannot do an island for six weeks. Plus, I really hate being mean to people and more importantly, I hate people being mean to me. Though I’ve thought about it, and if I were on an island, and could only bring one comfort item, it would be a toss up between dental floss and nail clippers. I could get along without an iPhone, iPad, and Google, but a hangnail would make me go insane and become back-stabby . . . so maybe I could play that game after all.
There’s also a show about people who are addicted to eating weird things like plastic plates and paper products. I once ate a whole bottle of Vitamin C tablets (they are delicious—tastes like oranges), and as my sister can attest, I actually turned a shade of orange. And I’ve also eaten sea urchin while trying to impress a first date and prove that I am an experienced sushi connoisseur (who knew there was more to sushi than avocado California rolls?). Unfortunately I could barely choke down the sea urchin, something that is acceptable to eat, so I doubt I could swallow a non-food item. And don’t get me started about the acid reflux!
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